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MistyE
"ur the john Coltrane of newsground animation" - SpiffyFlinger

Age 24

Musician

Earth

Joined on 3/16/10

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MistyE's News

Posted by MistyE - September 12th, 2020


Hello everyone! It's been almost two years since my last news post. Here's a quick rundown of everything significant that has happened since February 2019:


  • Went on a Make-a-Wish trip to Tokyo in July 2019!
  • Had a video go viral. Some people would consider it a "documentary," which never really occurred to me as I was making it. I just saw it as a really long commentary video. Most of my big hitters are videos discussing the controversies of various Internet personalities.
  • Reached 58,000+ subscribers!
  • Developed an incurable eye condition called blepharitis.


I'll split the remaining news post into 4 sections: Tokyo, blepharitis, my hopes for establishing a Newgrounds Creative Commons playlist for easy use, and general thoughts.


Tokyo


For those of you who don't know, I was diagnosed with grade 4 brain cancer in April 2017. I had to undergo 30 days of radiation and 55 weeks of chemotherapy because of this. My last chemo treatment was in July 2018, and I was able to go to Tokyo a year later due to the lovely people at Make-A-Wish! It was a really great experience, and I'm really thankful that I got to go before everything got corona-cucked. Here's some pictures!


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This is me at the rabbit cafe. My dad and I ended up just taking a taxi almost everywhere we went. We went at the end of July where it was really humid, so it usually went pretty smoothly. On our way to the rabbit cafe, however, the driver ended up getting lost, but thankfully, two kind strangers helped us find our way.


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The entrance of the rabbit cafe.


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Here's the back of Tower Records.


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Me chowing down on some noodles, and finally, some pictures of my dad and I:


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Make-A-Wish is a really wonderful organization and I am immensely grateful to them for this experience. There's nothing quite like it, man.


Blepharitis


In May of this year, I developed an incurable eye condition called blepharitis which was very limiting on what I can do. Blepharitis is inflammation of the eyelids, and generally entails bacteria and oily flakes at the base of your eyelashes. Unfortunately, the symptoms of this are multi-faceted. They have come in the form of super dry eyes (the eye drops don't really seem to help), itchy eyes, burning eyes, the feeling of 'hot' eyes (like a 'fever' kind of hot), and just irregularly growing eyelashes. It's very unfortunate because it's been taking a toll on everything I do. I haven't been able to watch shows, play games, or do a whole bunch of things that I used to. I can still work and write though, so that's good. See, the thing is, I wouldn't mind going through pain, but my concern is that 'trucking through it' would just damage something in the long run. Doc says I should stop if I hurt, so that kind of leaves me in a position where I can't really work a steady job, and I never really know how good or bad a day will be for my eyes.


Newgrounds Creative Commons Project


One thing I really liked about the Audio Portal "back in the day" was that the submissions came with the inherent implication that they could be freely used in movies and games. While the newer Audio Portal of the past several years gives musicians a lot more options in terms of permissions (unless I'm misremembering and this was always a thing.) Something that ended up happening as a result was that years of Audio Portal submissions that were "free to use" now defaulted to "Ask for permission," which is a problem when many of these submissions are from inactive users, sometimes with no way of being able to externally contact them.


I noticed that there is no way to sort Audio Portal submissions by which ones are Creative Commons Attribution or Creative Commons 0 (aka, Audio Portal submissions that can be used in videos without getting Content ID'd) and I think it'd be super cool to get something like a Creative Commons playlist going, whether if it's by me or someone else. An option to sort by permissions would be cool too. What do you think, @TomFulp?


And to everyone reading this list, if you wanna recommend some good free-to-use Audio Portal submissions, go for it! Free-to-use background music is a valuable resource.


General Thoughts


Here's where I'll just ramble on about stuff. So as a result of the blepharitis, I've been outsourcing a lot of stuff related to the video-making process. In my most recent video about stan culture, I hired a bunch of artists. I'd also be interested to hire out audio editing (how this would work is I just give you a big audio file and you edit it down and choose the best takes to make them flow), and potentially, commissioning art in the form of .SWFs for easier use. Something else that was immensely helpful this year with my content was just paying for in-depth script feedback, or paying someone to watch a bunch of videos for research, so that we could have in-depth discussions about it. I'm just throwing this out there, I haven't started seriously looking for anyone regarding these yet, but it'd be quite helpful.


I've listened to around 80 albums this year so far. Most of them don't really stick with me in any meaningful way. I wonder how much of that has to do with the fact that I'm not a kid anymore. Here's the thing, when I first played Kingdom Hearts at age 10, I adored it. It was wonderful. It would be a different experience if I played it at age 20 (my current age.) I'm older now and I can better discern what's considered "corny" or "bad writing." But when you're a kid, you're just sort of vibing, y'know? I think a lot of people lose the childlike sense of wonder and imagination when they grow older, which makes sense - the problems become more practical, and the world becomes more daunting and drab than exciting. Some of the best albums I've heard this year:


Audioslave - Audioslave (2002)

Third Eye Blind - Third Eye Blind (1997)

The Anniversary - Designing a Nervous Breakdown (2000)

The Flaming Lips - The Soft Bulletin (1999)

New Radicals - Maybe You've Been Brainwashed Too (1998)

Cave In - Antenna (2003)

Phoebe Bridgers - Punisher (2020)


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Posted by MistyE - February 6th, 2019


Hey everyone! It's been a while since my last news post, but I'm back. One of the biggest changes in my life since I last posted here is that I can now walk again! After months of physical therapy and exercise, I've regained the balance that I lost from the tumor. No more walker necessary. It feels good to be able to achieve that goal.


I've been thinking about goal-setting a lot lately. I love to read productivity-related content. It's like potato chips for my brain. Yeah, a lot of it is just fluff designed to get me to pay for overpriced courses, but a lot of it also contains valuable and interesting information to me. Some of the topics commonly discussed are goals and systems, and which one is better to focus on if you want to be successful.


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The advice here tends to be conflicting. To my understanding, there are 3 main sides:


Side A: Goals are not good; systems are better, because they ensure consistent progress. The problem with goals is that once you reach them, you don't know how to proceed next. If you end up setting a goal that's too difficult, you'll just feel demotivated. Some things are also genuinely out of your control.


Side B: Goals are good; systems should be used to advance goals. Goals give you something to strive for, and motivate you to work hard to achieve something. They give you purpose and a clear challenge where you feel like there are real stakes that have to be met.


Radical Centrist Option: Goals are good. Set something realistic, but don't be upset if you don't reach it because it's just a benchmark. Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars.


The Radical Centrist Option is the most sensible theoretically, but I also see no way that I can actually put it into action. To me, the whole point of goal-setting is to invest yourself in the process, and do everything in your power to reach it. I feel like to even get to a point where you can say to yourself, "oopsie I didn't reach it but that's ok lol XD" would have to mean there was no actual emotional investment being made in the first place.


What do you guys think about this? What are your goals, and/or systems? Leave a comment; I'm interested to know.


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Posted by MistyE - August 18th, 2018


Hey everyone! Since most of my posts are promoting my own content (which tends to be off-site since I do less art and animation these days), I wanted to talk about some cool stuff I've found here.
 

"Autopilot" by @SleepDeprivedChicken is a hilarious short about the horror (and absurdity) of self-driving cars. Really nice cartoonish style to this one.

"OTB - Skeleton Crew" by @RadioTubeClock was also a nice watch. It's nice to see that it's still going since it started in 2010. I'm always impressed by the level of intricacy RadioTube puts into the designs and backgrounds.

"me rn" by @artistunknown originally submitted to a collab I hosted called "Flash Library: Sleep." Unfortunately, that got taken down because of copyrighted music, and I didn't bother to re-instate it with different audio. He re-uploaded his part - check it out!

And lastly, a gem that went underlooked 4 months ago - "Why Would You Take My Wallet" by @wermusam. It's great.
 

As for a health update: I'm becoming less nauseous and more tolerant of food now that it's been a month and a half since my last chemo. My taste buds don't really seem like they're back to normal yet. I'm hoping that's not permanent and I can still go back to enjoying food as much as I did before this whole thing happened.

 

I did another video analyzing the growth and success of a YouTuber. The last analysis was one of my best-performing videos ever, so I figured I'd do another in that vein. For those who do watch this: how was my line delivery?
 

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Posted by MistyE - July 19th, 2018


Hey everyone! In my last news post, I mentioned that I went through my final round of heavy chemo. It's too early right now to see how things are gonna be, but I made a video about my plans.
 


I tried something new with the lighting and added some blue light in the backdrop - I think it looks pretty snazzy! Sometimes I feel like I'm in a bit of an identity crisis with my content. Before cancer hit, I made videos that were commentaries on YouTube content, with an emphasis on humor. I feel like I've kinda had to force my more serious videos, especially the cancer-related ones. At the same time, it was interesting to branch out into a different type of content and I feel like it was important to document that since it was such a big thing in my life.

I've thought about becoming one of those channels where I make more videos about it, and maybe they'll have informative merit or something, but I'm just looking forward to making content that's fun again. Maybe not strictly YouTube commentaries though, because there's a lot less interesting things to comment on than there were in 2016, and I'm not that jazzed about things as I was when I was 16. Not that two years is THAT big of a difference, but eh.
 

But I did wanna make a more analytical video, so here's my longest video in a while:


So yeah, still gotta find out what content I wanna make. At some point, I might wanna try integrating art/animation again, put some of that Newgrounds experience to use, y'know? I'd love to do skit comedy with acting but it's tough when I don't have my balance back yet. I'll see what I can do about that though. I could make something work, it'd still be sick.

As for positive personal improvements - I feel a lot less lonely and isolated these days. More friends? New friends? No. There was a time during my chemo treatment spanning several months, I wanna say last November to the start of this year, that I kinda started to get bitter that it seemed like none of my peers were really interested in talking to me. And in that state of isolation, it's pretty easy to get worked up to that point. I'd try texting a lot of people and it was always a dead end. Eventually, I realized that it was likely because I never built a friendship in the first place when I knew them. I didn't even say hello or goodbye. I didn't ask about them or show interest in them. In some cases it was because I really was too apathetic or judgmental, or I was being a bit of a self-conscious weenie and never really opened up. Either way, realizing there was personal responsibility I had to accept was liberating.

The second thing I wanted to say about that is that I often had a fear of missing out, so it would bum me out when I would think about how I wasn't really part of that group of friends. As time passed, I realized they're not really good company, and I wouldn't want to be in that group anyway. What bothered me was the idea that I couldn't be one of them - the idea that I had no choice - but the reality is, even if I had the choice, I wouldn't want it. I just wanted to prove something. So I guess what I'm trying to say is, I learned to take responsibility, and recognize the difference between actually wanting something vs. wanting to prove something.

I do feel like my mental state has improved lately though. I'm more religious now and so I've been trying to be a better, less judgmental person. I've gotten better at managing things like frustration and anger but there's still a lot of work to be done. I've learned when to turn the other cheek at least. Just gotta call it a wash sometimes.
 


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3

Posted by MistyE - July 2nd, 2018


I recently had my final round of heavy chemotherapy, hopefully ever! It was rough but I'm looking forward to things getting better now that it's July. My final round of "normal" chemotherapy (where I don't have to get admitted to the hospital) is tomorrow. Then I can say I'm done with all this. There will be scans every few months to make sure the tumor doesn't grow back, but otherwise I'm just relieved I don't have to go back to the hospital.

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9

Posted by MistyE - June 18th, 2018


Hey everyone! So my final round of heavy chemo starts in a little over a week. I'm looking forward to this part of my life finally being over, and I'm ready to move on to bigger, better things. I can't seem to get my musical inspiration back, even after an extended break... we'll see what the future brings.

How are you doing? Hear any good tunes lately? Let me know.

Here's a video I made for views, reacting to YouTube content like the old days:


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Posted by MistyE - June 3rd, 2018


Hey guys! I recently graduated high school and the hospital held a graduation for me. I ended up on the local news, which I talk about here:


I made a video telling the story of how I discovered my brain tumor. Nobody saw it coming, so if you're interested in how we found out, be sure to check this out.


I also made a video about a sensationalist mainstream media article on a YouTuber. Apparently tweeting "Windows is gay" and saying fag twice is enough to have an article written about your "history of homophobic comments."

 


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2

Posted by MistyE - May 18th, 2018


Hey everyone! I'm gonna update anyone who's interested on what I've done in the past two weeks.

I recently had to stay overnight at the hospital for my second to last round of heavy chemotherapy. It's actually starting to feel more painful now than it was when I initially filmed the video. It's really rough. Thankfully July is almost here! I decided to vlog my hospital visit this week.
 

I also decided to test the waters and upload my first ever video game review. I had 90% of it finished more than a year ago, but I only got around to cleaning everything up recently. This type of content is really a first for me.

About to graduate high school... time flies. Haven't done anything musical in the past two weeks, since I've been more focused on making videos. Hopefully I'll feel inspired to do something on that front again.

If you've made it this far, thank you! The Newgrounds community has been very supportive, and I really appreciate that.

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Posted by MistyE - May 3rd, 2018


First, I just want to thank everybody who responded to my last news post where I was really struggling to find a purpose to continue making music. I've taken a break from songwriting and production since then, and I definitely feel better about the whole thing. I've spent a lot of my time the past two weeks focusing on making videos instead.

By the way, I figured I'd ask - from 0:34 to 0:46, for me I noticed that everything gets brighter for a frame after the cut, then goes back to normal. Do any of you see this? It's fine on all platforms except my desktop for me, which is pretty bizarre.

I've been focusing on not being so much of a perfectionist. It's been a struggle, since it places me in a position where I have to choose whether or not Iisten to others' feedback, or my own personal artistic judgement. Perfectionism has always been one of my biggest burdens. I feel like I'm getting better at dealing with that.

I've been trying to be a more positive person lately. For a long time, I couldn't believe that I could rise up to whatever challenge I was facing. I'd panic, I'd worry. "I don't see how this could be resolved," I'd think to myself, over and over. It was difficult to break the cycle because it was what I was used to. When I learned to zoom out and look at the bigger picture, it became easier to spot toxic thought patterns. I talked to God and it filled the destructive void of self-doubt that was crippling me. I stopped letting fear or embarrassment have such a chokehold on me. I feel freer now.
 

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Went to prom. Nice photo-op, but pretty lousy experience. Not sure what I was expecting really - I had a great time 2 years ago, though things have changed. There was something uniquely depressing about seeing everyone so mobile while I still had to slowly get around with a huge walker. When all's said and done, it's still an experience though. Got some of the new faces smirkin' at me, but that's alright.

I love you all, I love this community and how supportive and talented it is. Thanks for reading!

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1

Posted by MistyE - April 14th, 2018


Music.

It's probably most of what I've been thinking about lately - more specifically, making music.

Not trying to whine about anything here, just sharing some struggles I've been having, to see if anyone has input.

Although I've been getting better at having fun with it, I'm kind of at a stage where the work starts to feel more tedious and chore-like than a passion project or fun self-expression. Don't get me wrong, I understand the value of doing the boring stuff. Hell, I was an animator for years.

But at some point, it all goes back to the "why" - why am I investing so much time doing this? Well, to get a good track of course. But once I've got a good track, it's kinda like, now what? I see making music as something I do for myself, but having an audience also matters, and I've been struggling to get one. I also feel like I don't really get the feeling of accomplishment or happiness that some other artists might get when they finish something big. So, the music doesn't really work as a purely self-serving hobby because I don't really feel that much satisfaction from finishing a song. And it doesn't really work for an audience because there needs to be a cohesive audience in the first place.

Hell, I've even taken online courses for this and the advice for social media marketing is a dead end. I've done some experimenting with Facebook ads to minimal results, A/B testing different things and all, but I can't tell if it's just not a worthwhile investment or if I just haven't tested enough. Some of the advice is really wack - mass following people on Twitter? Posting images with quotes of my own lyrics? No thanks.

I also haven't really found a good community for this yet. With art and animation, there are lots of cohesive communities centered around it because at the end of the day, although the approach might differ, everyone is there to do one thing: draw, or animate. Music, on the other hand, is such a broad topic that encompasses everything from gear to songwriting to producing to performing, etc. so it makes sense that I'm having a hard time finding a community that is relevant to me. Then again, I might not be looking hard enough.

With all of this being said - things are definitely getting better for me and I'm getting better too. My chemo is done in July already! I'm looking forward to learning how to walk again (the tumor messed up my balance). Looking forward to being able to eat solid food without getting so nauseous. Man I can't wait to enjoy chicken again. I can't wait until I can eat food again without having to take minute-long breaks between bites so I don't puke. The end is getting closer and closer.

If you've made it this far, thank you. I appreciate ya hearing me out.

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